when we fall inlove, as every female in this world, we feed off of w o r d s. off of these little WHITELIES, which seem so real while being said through that special persons mouth. slowly lingering off of their lips into the air, into our ears and victoriously embedded into our hearts.
ive been there. we've all been there, or are there. you are promised spectacular things only with time, and everything is so exciting at first, then you fall into this habit. this addiction. it becomes part of you life and you cant help but hold on.
but wait, theres another involvement. not another man, but another girl. and not just any girl, but his girlfriend. which makes you the UNOFFICIAL GIRLFRIEND and so this is how my story begins.. .
i didnt know any better.
hellos and goodbyes turned into goodmornings and goodnights. liked evolved into love, and hugs were always better followed by kisses. it was almost as if i was sucked into a deep whole, like quicksand. everything happened so fast. you were there, and you understood me. i understood you. they didnt understand us, or was it just me?
deceitfully committing infidelities was just the beginning of such a love. you made me feel unlike any other. i was floating on a sea of tender emotions. my heart was implicated. i was implicated, and soon enough so was my mind.
i was more interested in our dream fairytale, rather than my actual value. then one day, while sitting with you, on that bench it hit me. "so when are you going to break up with her?" is what i asked. i was so scared to hear the truth i could feel the aridness of my throat while blurting out the sentence. and of course with that sincere look in your eyes, you said .. "this is hard for me, you know i want to. i just dont want to hurt her. soon baby." and soon it shall be, because thats what you told me, so i had to believe it, i mean it was the truth wasnt it?
OBJECTION.
hours became days, and days became weeks which eventually fell into months. where was i? who was i? how did i let you mold my thoughts this way. she was still your girlfriend and i was still this item to you. an escape. unfortunately i learned you were never going to end things with her, and so with that i had to gain the courage to leave you.. to leave this wondrous world of you and i.
i couldnt see you. i had to do this via email. i hope you understood. i couldnt bare looking into those eyes and going through with it. so i texted you, and it was quite simple, or so it seemed. "i met someone, and hes.. hes.. i like him." but honestly i hadnt met anyone, i used one of your WHITELIES as an excuse. of course you were hurt. im sorry. i was hurt too. i was hurt for months and all you did was tell me how great our life would be together. i finally felt this weight lifting gradually off of my shoulders. i was free.
weeks went by and you didnt leave me alone, but you were still with her. so tell me now. what was the point? AM I WORTH NOTHING TO YOU? IM NOT THIS DOORMAT, THAT YOU CAN JUST WALK ALL OVER. I HAVE FCUKING FEELINGS. I HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU.
now you have a new girlfriend. someone who i promised myself i will not mention. its been almost 3 years, and you still tell me you are in love with me. i dont understand why cant you just let me live. i obviously dont need you. i am fine with my life. you need to be fine with yours. i cannot go back to that fairytale and i wont. ive made it out alive this time, i cant keep drowning in your lies.
i think i deserve better, dont you? i hope you understand.
- hopeless
