But its not cravings for experience, but more so, for growth.
i wish i can have my innocence back and can love with no fear, fully and deeply.. like ive never been hurt.
i want so much to make things right, but every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. what you dont know can hurt you.
i dont want to be this worry bound person anyone. step one is in progress, so i can feel beautiful without you telling me. so i can learn to handle this messiness. so i can put myself together and be okay, but i need to love myself first. i understand that you are completely unattractive to the fact my cravings for experience overpower my cravings for your existence, but i know this is the best for us because im learning. it really is the hardest way but thats the only way. This pain lets me know that im capable of feeling. sadness is the only passion that lets me know there is blood in these veins. i can appreciate everything. most importantly, i will appreciate you.
i discounted all the other times i’d been with other boys. this was different from anything i’d ever know. you are better than whatever came before. you make me cry just about everyday. you know just how to wind me up and you get annoyed over silly things. we have our flaws and our arguments, but you were the one who taught me how to love. i love your hugs. i love your enchanting smile. i love how cute you look when youre angry and you give me those flared nostrils. i love how youre a slight bit shy. i love it when i can feel you staring at me while i sleep. i love our snuggles. i love how you make me laugh five minutes after making me cry... i just love you for you. i cant explain why, it transcends explanation.
so i am TRYING...
to rekindle this flame once called like, and keep it burning on. i hope i make you happy, thats all i really want. i hope you are in love with me everyday, during my bratty moments, sad, surprising and crazy ones too. i burden you with all my drama and i want you to do the same. when i asked you what am i to you, you answered, "my big baby, i hope that never changes..
tomorrow will be different. it has to be. i will smile and it will be believable. my smile will say, "im fine, thankyou. yes. much better than yesterday." i will no longer be the girl who is wrapped up in this ball of pessimistic values sewed to her soul. i will start fresh. be someone new. its the only way i'll make it through.... to you.
- peace&love, forever more - minibite xoxo
